I’m new to gardening. I’ve only got three seasons under my belt, which I suppose makes me kind of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about trying pretty much anything. So when my green-thumbed friendNoah McKenna suggested I try growing the African Horned Cucumber, I said, “Sure, why not?”

This thing–also known as the “blowfish fruit” is terrifying. Really. First of all, it grew into a vine so big and thick that it made an entire raised bed disappear under a trellis of jungle. For weeks, no blossoms appeared on this magnificent vine. And then finally, a handful of green-and-yellow striped grenades appeared with spikes so sharp and sturdy that I’d wager one would kill you if dropped on your head from a second story window.

They say this melon-like fruit tastes like a cross between a cucumber and a zucchini. I tasted it, and my conclusion is: Who wants to eat a melon that tastes like a zucchini?